Teacher:

Why are you late?

Webster:

Because of the sign.

Teacher:

What sign?

Webster:

The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher:

Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

Cindy:

You told me to do it without using tables!

Teacher:

John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

John:

“K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

Teacher:

No, that's wrong.

John:

Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

Teacher:

What is the chemical formula for water?

Sarah:

H I J K L M N O!!

Teacher:

What are you talking about?

Sarah:

Yesterday you said it's H to O!

Teacher:

George, go to the map and find North America.

George:

Here it is!

Teacher:

Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

Class:

George!

Teacher:

Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

Willie:

Me!

Teacher:

Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

Tommy:

Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Teacher:

Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

Ellen:

I is...

Teacher:

No, Ellen…Always say, "I am."

Ellen:

All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher:

"Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

Johnny:

"Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

Teacher:

"George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.  Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Johnny:

"Because George still had the ax in his hand."

Teacher:

Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

Sam:

No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

Teacher:

Dana, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Dana:  

No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Teacher:

What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil:

A teacher.